Bumps and Mountains
by LSgrimm91
Summary: It was naive to think their relationship was immune to the problems of normal couples.  It was hardly perfect. Frankly, Jack screwed up. S4 SGA. Sam/Jack with elements of Jack/Kerry. Happy ending though.


**A/Ramble: Before you hit the 'back' button, this has a good ending. I realised it's idealistic to believe Sam and Jack's relationship is immune to the **_**unfortunately**_** common problems normal people have. This story (which is totally AU) confronts adultery. Namely if Jack had a once-off affair while Sam was in Atlantis. I still think I'm giving these two too much credit for being able to sort through it as well as they will. All mistakes are mine (and I'm sure there are some). If you can handle the concept, then please: Enjoy! **

**~ Bumps and Mountains ~**

Jack couldn't keep his eyes off the floor.

It was by some logistical miracle he had been able to get away from DC and convince the IOA, as well as the Joint Chiefs, that he needed to go to Atlantis. A visit, he had proposed. To see how the expedition was performing first hand, now that travel between the SGC and the City had been made simple by the Midway Station.

But that wasn't it.

He probably looked like crap, he realised as he rubbed his eyes with an open hand and swung his overtime bag in his other hand. Then again, that's the most obvious effect of self-inflicted insomnia. He spent the entirety of last night organising this trip and mulling in his own guilt.

And mulling he was doing so _damn_ well.

In hindsight, which was always twenty-twenty, mulling wasn't going to do anything for him. In simple terms, he'd screwed up. _Big time_.

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose as he reluctantly thought back to two nights ago. The Stargate continued to dial, an everyday occurrence at the SGC. It was just another social event - he couldn't remember the details - for the big-wigs at the pentagon. Lots of people. Lots of alcohol. Not that he could blame his behaviour on the alcohol, though he really wished he could. Then, of all people to run into, he practically tripped over Kerry Johnson. It was wonderful and surprisingly easy to see her again. No awkwardness or anything like that. She was friendly and cheery, as she always was.

The night carried on and he'd enjoyed her company. Nothing really to it there. She was a friend. They'd agreed it would be that way and until he was ready to go home, Jack firmly believed that. He hadn't had much to drink, but enough to decide to leave his car behind and take a cab home. Kerry was in a similar state, so why not share a ride. Again, no problem.

The problems began when he decided to go up to her apartment for a coffee. Seemed harmless enough. It was early and a hot coffee would wake him up a little. She'd made no propositions and the invitation was as innocent as it was intended. He'd learned earlier in the night that she was seeing someone else anyway. It was reasonable to believe that fact made this meeting safer.

He's spent too many hours trying to work out how he went from talking about work and Sam to falling into bed with the red-headed woman. As soon as reality came crashing down on them, they both began to comprehend what they'd done. A lot of expletives were used. Aimed at themselves than each other. Jack had yet to spare a thought to how Kerry was going to deal with her partner. He forewent to usual excuses; he was drunk, he missed Sam, he'd been under stress. Frankly, all those reasons contributed to a small degree, but in the end, it came down to him knowingly making the wrong choice. And now he was paying for it in guilt.

But that was nothing compared to what he was going to do to Sam.

Sure, he could leave her in blissful ignorance, but what would that say about their relationship? That she can't trust him to keep to himself, _and_ to be honest with her. She deserved far better than that. Hence the immediate trip to Atlantis. Explaining this over a monitored video call was unthinkable. He'd have to do this in person. While he already felt pretty close to some scum-like substance, he needed to make up for this. If Sam would let him. If she was the one to do this to him - which was hard to comprehend - he would have a hell of a time forgiving her. His ability to hold a grudge went unmatched.

Jack bit his lower lip when the Gate burst to life, almost questioning his manhood by waiting in silence for him to step through.

Going back to Ba'al for some more torture actually seemed more appealing right now. He'd even take it with a smile. But if he was any kind of man, he'd have to walk through and see his _far_ better half. For however longer she may be considered so.

~ SJ ~

So this must be what a heart attack feels like.

Jack stepped through the Atlantis Gate and was welcomed by the ancient architecture and wide eyes. Of all people to come through their Gate, he was the last to be expected. He looked up to the balcony above and his heart skipped a beat when Sam stepped up to the rails, followed closely by Colonel Sheppard. Such a maverick.

God, she was smiling and she seemed almost heavenly.

He could almost get lost in the sight of her, to see her in the flesh rather than high resolution pixels. She was obviously happy to see him, which only made him feel worse. If only she knew the magnitude of the bomb he was about to drop.

"General O'Neill. Welcome to Atlantis," She beamed from above. It took great effort to not look so grim and give her something close to a friendly smile. Her people didn't need to see him looking morose, and certainly not with her.

"Came as soon as I could." Sam tilted her head and frowned gently. He wasn't expected there. "We need to talk."

Blunt. That was the safest tactic. Don't sugar-coat it, don't patronize her. He wasn't stupid enough to hope for forgiveness, but a less painful landing for both was desired.

"Sure, Sir. Come on up." She's already walking towards her office. Those stairs look like an effort.

Jack casually swung his bag up and over his shoulder, quickly creasing his khaki BDU shirt. At least he wasn't in the Service Dress. He walked up the steps - more like stomped - and met Sam at the bridge that led to her office. Her glass office.

Before he knew it, Jack was standing in front of her desk. Hers. She's the commander of the base after; he's the visitor. This, she has definitely earned. Her very own command. It came with the rank, but she'd earned it as a person.

She closed the door behind him; wasn't there some pre-established symbology there? Jack dropped his bag to the floor between his feet as he sat in the chair opposite Sam, separated only by the large desk.

She doesn't even get the chance to sit before she detects his mood. She planted her hands on the desk and leant forwards a little.

"Sir?"

Jack didn't even notice he was looking at the floor again. He had to call upon his will-power to lift his eyes to hers. She looked worried. If he knows her, she was running through possibilities.

"Who?"

She thought someone had died. His head was pounding, though he suspected that was his heartbeat and high blood pressure.

"No one, Sam."

There's the key word. Her name. She knew to change hats from Colonel to partner. She's smart; she knew he wouldn't come here for personal reasons unless it was of extreme importance.

He saw her body tense and Sam stood up straight, her fingers still resting against the desk.

"Jack..."

There was anxiety and suspicion in her voice. She thinks she knows and she wants to be wrong. They've got this silent communication down to an art and it's working wonders right now. He allowed the guilt and pain to show and it's enough for her to catch on. He is still going to need to say it to confirm her suspicions.

"I've screwed up, Sam..." He swore the words wouldn't be enough but he's got nothing left to say until she asks the inevitable questions or hits him. "...I'm so sorry."

She turned away, her face unreadable. There was a mantle behind her desk, which he now observes supports a photo of him, among many others, that she braced for support. She lifted her arms up and benched her elbows high on the mantle, pressing her balled fists to her forehead.

"How long?"

Oh, yeah. She's worked it out. And eyes back to the floor.

"Just once. Night before last," Jack admitted quietly. It didn't illicit a reaction.

"Anyone I know?" She grinds out. She was trying to control her breathing, to remain in control full stop. Last thing her people need is to see her punching a Lieutenant General out.

"Kerry."

She sighed loudly and Jack had to admit, he was sure he'd be unconscious by now. His eyes lifted when she moved in his peripheral vision. Her hand moved to the photo on the mantle, gripping the top of the frame tightly. He was sure she was going to throw it. She didn't. With great care, she tipped it until it sat face down. She splayed her flat hand over the back.

She took another breath before she turned to Jack. He's rarely seen her pain so clearly in her expression. She was on the verge of tears, but he knew she would never allow them to fall. At least not here.

"Jack... Why? How?"

Consider your words carefully.

"I wish I could tell you I was drunk, or drugged..." He stopped while she swiped at her eyes. "...We didn't plan it. It sounds cliché, but it just happened." His weak attempt at humour fell flat.

Now it's Sam's turn to look away. She was going to try to rationalise next.

"I realise it's not fair to you while I'm here..." she began quietly.

"No excuse," Jack cut in quickly. "That's no excuse. I said I'd wait. And I have been. I miss you. _A lot_. But I was fine waiting. We waited eight years. But I was weak and I let myself forget you..."

That hurt her. He promised complete honesty and he wasn't going back on that now. Now she' try to compromise.

"What did you expect, Jack? I trust you with my life, but now I don't want to trust you with _me_. What do you want from me? Forgiveness? I can't give you that yet."

Yet?

"I wanted to tell you in person. Maybe salvage a bit of my dignity. I don't think I have the right to expect forgiveness."

"Do you want it? I mean, do you think we are worth saving?" It was left unsaid that he obviously didn't think much of their relationship to have allowed himself to cheat on her.

"You have no idea."

Sam closed her eyes in exhaustion. She shook her head and sat down in her chair. The silence worried him, but he wasn't willing to break it. Sam traced her finger in a pattern on the edge of the desk.

"I'll arrange some quarters for you. I'll come and see you when I've decided what I want to do."

Jack simply nodded and left the room. She didn't spare him a second glance and continued to stare at her desk. He's never seen her like this.

~ SJ ~

_The next evening_

Jack sat beside the door on his balcony overlooking the ocean. A glass of cold water hung from his fingertips while he stared up at the unfamiliar arrangement of stars above. He still hadn't heard from Sam and it had been more than twenty-four hours. He's amazed with his patience but doesn't think about it too much. He only had forty-eight hours before he had to call back in, so he'd have to go see her eventually to dial the Gate and call home.

He didn't hear the doors inside open and the one leading to the balcony was open. He turned his head when someone stepped outside. As he expected, it was Sam. Loose strands of hair whipped around her face and she tried to trap them behind an ear. Jack waited in silence as she sat down next to him, propping her knees up to mirror his posture.

"Eight years is a long time," She began, looking up into the dark sky.

"It is."

"I'd like to think this was worth waiting for. I don't want to think I waited for so long for something that would be derailed by a bump in the road."

Jack said nothing.

"But this isn't exactly a bump."

"A bit like a mountain." He added gruffly, but quietly. The glass in his hand became suddenly interesting. At least to his eyes. The moonlight reflected beautifully off the chunks of ice floating in the liquid crystal.

Sam nodded pensively. "I said I trusted you with my life. I just couldn't decide if I trusted you to be honest if you promised this wouldn't happen again." She turned her eyes to him. Jack hesitated, which was an alien feeling for him, but returned her gaze. "Jack, I need you to promise not to hurt me. I couldn't handle it."

He was stunned. She was willing to forgive him?

"I promise."

"It'll take me a while to learn to trust you again. You understand?"

"Naturally."

"If we get through this, I know it's worth it. I think we will. _I hope we will_. We've climbed mountains before." She actually smiled at him and Jack felt his spirits lift.

"You blew up a sun." He hopes his attempt to smile showed. She regarded him silently for almost a full minute.

"You're a real idiot, you know."

"Believe me. I do. I didn't think I'd make it outta your office in one piece." Sam chuckled quietly and let her forehead fall onto his shoulder. "Why are you so good to me? I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive you..."

Sam lifted her head. "Because we learn from our mistakes. Because I think we'll come out of it as better people. Don't get me wrong, I'm still furious with you..." Her tone clearly indicated that fact. "...but my Dad told me forgiveness was the hardest lesson he had to learn. He said it was a powerful thing. If we survive this, maybe we'll be unstoppable and maybe we won't make so many mistakes."

"I always figured you would believe 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. I love being wrong."

"Normally I am, but I also think these issues are circumstantial. While I would rather this hadn't happened, it did, and we have to try and do as some others can do and move past it. I've decided I trust your word. It won't happen again." She nodded, as if the affirm the thought in her own mind.

"Got that right." She smiled again. "Sam?"

"Mm?" She turned back, her eyes curious.

Jack lifted and arm over her shoulders, "Wanna come here?"

Sam thought about it for a second and Jack was ready to retract his arm, but she moved into his side.

"Always; you don't have to ask."

"Thought it'd be safer." He pressed his forehead into the side of hers and let his eyes close.

"Ready to climb that mountain?"

"Race ya to the top," he grinned.

~ SJ ~

**I just had to do this. We hardly ever see these issues in S/J stories. Writers seem unwilling to touch this subject, so hopefully I haven't alienated any of my readers by writing one. Feedback welcome, as always. Hope you found some enjoyment in this angsty piece. **


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